How to tell if you're Nassian
If you are Nassian...
- You are the content citizen of one of the most beautiful countries in the world, where the virgin nature has been preserved on a large extent of its territory. Needless to say that it is because men can hardly live there.
- You believe devotedly in open society. Your country is the first modern state with high proportion of direct democracy, which gives you feeling of that matters are in your hands.
- You benevolently neglect, that thirteen out of dozen Europeans thinks, that your country is part of Russia. It could be worse; they might think that you ARE Russian.
- You find your-self to be a calm, hard-working, sensitive human being. Outsiders think you are frigid, inferiority complex struck and weepy. If you are drunk, you admit they might be true.
- You are wholeheartedly republican down to the marrow of your bones. Hereditary monarchy is for weaklings, elective monarchy was a necessity of the past. You bluntly watch other countries citizens to be blamed in their representative democracies, you call rather representative oligarchies.
- Everyone at home knows what ice-hockey is, no matter of sex, nationality or religion. We get frequently beaten by those who must cast ice artificially on the stadiums, but time to time we beat them. It is fair; we then will never sleep on laurels. You also know any kind of winter sport – skiing, skating, and sledging. If you are a man, you probably know also some summer sports like football, volleyball or basketball. You are quite proud when your countryman wins a medal at the World Games in any winter sport, and you raise your eyebrow to question divine authority if it is in any summer sport. If you are a woman, you find sports to be rather kind of physical activity than a discussion subject.
- Four weeks of leave are standard. To have more, you need to be classified as hard-working, i.e. either to work in 12-hour relays like nurses, docs or policemen, or you must be involved in education matters.
- You know what fast-food is. If you are too busy or too hungry, you do not hesitate to have pizza, hot-dog or kebab. But that are the only cases. But you never say that fast-food is a meal. For such you visit restaurant for lunch à menu or for supper, when you can spend little bit more for exclusive feast.
- You need not to kill your own food, but your (grand)father often complains about those old good times when a right man hunted to feed the family. You don't have a dirt floor, only in küssä (a weekend cottage). When eating, you prefer to sit on a chair by table, using ceramic dishes, setting and serviettes. You don't consider insects, pets and other humans to be a food. Everything else with four legs, feathers or squamae is a potential food.
If you died tonight...
- ... you believe to appear on the Other World, where you meet your lost friends. But you know about no-one who came back to make it a fact.
- You believe in god. Or gods or God… makes any difference? To believe in Them is in the same measure matter of you your-self only and matter of community. No-one can tell you which One to believe in, and you will never try to tell any-one to Whom he should pray. That is sacred. But you like to share your believes with your close ones, because you think, that morale, justice and suchs are somehow connected to Belief and they can be reached by consensus in community. You would never understand the bigotry and un-tolerant evangelisation. Matters of foreigners are matters of foreigners, including religion. If he wants to discuss, you do not hide anything.
- You believe in Order, but you are suspicious about any-one who says that They plan the future for us. You believe that They are on your side, only if you go in Their direction.
- Organised religion is matter of ritual. Rituals are creating connections. Connections make community. Community is everything. The holiest thing in your life is Being. You call it god, because it is the only way to comprehend it. It has many faces, which can be symbolised. So you know Father, Son and Mother. The second holiest thing for you is another human being.
- You have a telephone. Sometimes it is a matter of survival. And a TV-set too. It is also matter of survival. Winters are long and not all like to tear feathers and sing. Winter heating is crucial. Your place has surely its own bathroom and also küpelnä (sauna), even if you live in a town. You do your laundry in a machine, and if you don't have one, you do it in public laundry.
- A bathroom has mostly a bathtub, surely shower and certainly has a toilet. You call it otitisto. If you are rich, the toilet is in a separate room. Your küssä will high probably have its toilet out the back door.
- You expect that your home phone will work. If it is not, it is usually due to that snow broke wires. You are surprised if a public phone doesn't work - in fact, they rarely don’t.
- Getting a phone connection at home is easy in town or village, quite uneasy in a hamlet. This is why your wise government finances research in wireless phoning. If you really need it, you have the mobile phone, although they are close to bag-pack full of gold – big, costy and heavy.
- You answer the phone with Alo? (hallo?) or No? (yes?). You probably have an answering machine.
- The train system isn't very useful for personal transport. It has more use to transport materials or goods. There are only few lines connecting major cities. Car is a necessity. Roads of different quality lead to almost any inhabited place. Buses are cheaper alternative. They have a good net of connections. Airships are also good, inside the country only little bit more expensive than car and you can get with them where-ever you want. Also ships are very useful. If you live on lake side, you have sure one.
- It seems natural to you that the telephone system, railroads, airlines, power companies and the like are privately run. You might time to time think that you could manage them better, but then you wake up and do your job properly.
What would be world without politics?
- You know that opinions are as assholes; every-one has one and it stinks. On the other side, you cannot live behind a curtain; you need to live with your neighbours. Thus the discussion is central point of community life. And discussion is a clash of opinions. There is an old proverb Muttëru itë ussoso. (wiser steps back) and try to push your opinions in a way like that.
- You find a democracy without political parties fundamental. Political parties are kind of oligarchs and you do not like any oligarchy. You prefer to have you toe on what it is going on in your community. To be in a government is job as any other, politicians are no rare birds. They work for you, not you for them.
- Although it takes lot of time to participate on community matters, you prefer to not let others to decide for you.
- You are extremely picky on politicians. On one side you know you will do it better, on the other you do not fully believe it.
- Socialism, like other political –isms, do not appeal you. Things are never black-and-white, what knows every-one who runs at least a family. Consensus and compromise is the matter.
- You are a patriot in a sense that you feel strong ties to the soil you live on and to the people you live with. Outside your country you feel to be somehow standing off. Other Slavic bros think you are Finn, Finns do think you are Slav. Anyone else thinks your mother was a polar fox and father reindeer. You never fully caught the sense of word ‘’nationalism’’, although Russians gave you a good lesson.
- You divide press on political, which your read in the morning to coffee, and entertaining you read in evening after work. The latter can be substituted with TV or radio. You do not really believe the press, you consider the informations. If not too sleepy, anyway.
- People are… people. The colour of a skin is funny, and tells you only about the origin of the person. You saw them mostly only in TV, but recently quite a few immigrate. They have funny pronunciation and try to dress two jackets during the winter.
- You believe that Nassian neutrality is a Good Thing, although it must be defended with a gun in a hand.
The world would have been a better place, if...
- You think most problems could be solved if only people would put aside their private interests and work together. But that is just a start; then they must reach consensus.
- The court system is fair. You know that if you went into business and had problems with a customer, partner, or supplier, you could take them to court, and in reasonable time the court will come to conclusion. But you prefer need it.
- You'd respect someone who speaks English or French and you very likely yourself speak enough badly at least one of these languages to communicate with a monolingual foreigner. Of course you speak Nassian, and you will probably know, or at least understand, Riksmål, Venedic or Low German, if you are businessman. Knowing Russian can be sometime useful, but you will use this language only if really necessary. If you are among those educated ones, you can read and write using these languages too.
- You are really close to shock when a foreigner speaks Nassian or at least tries to.
- You think a tax level of 50% is only excusable once your income is quite above average. People tends to spend money on un-necessities if they have too much of them. On the other hand, you enjoy the benefits of redistribution of wealth.
- School is free through high school. Universities and colleges are also free, if you choose to make entrance examinations and you pass the criteria (it is some kind of scholarship). If you choose not to pass them, then they are relatively expensive. Extramural students spend also some additional money on accommodation in a campus. Students finance their studies either from parent’s money, from special education saving accounts or special long term education loans from banks.
- University takes four to six years, depending on a subject, your abilities and amount of money you have to spend. Lots of people, for prestige reason, do a Master course, when Bachelor would fit them better. Those who choose to study for doctoral degree often goes to study at least part of it abroad; majority comes thereafter back home.
Everyone knows that...
- Mustard comes in jars. Shaving cream comes in tubes or for old fashioned man still as a piece of soap. Milk comes in breasts, but is preferably sold in bottles or cardboard boxes.
- Dates are in DD. month YYYY format.
- If you are a doctor, or otherwise extremely clever, you will probably write dates in DDMMYY format instead.
- The decimal point is comma. Thousands might be, millions are indicated by spaces.
- A bilion is a milion times a milion. Thousand times a milion is a miliard.
Us against the World
- The Second Great War was yet another among the other historical lessons taught to your people. You already knew before that Russians want to swallow your country, but you did not expect your countrymen to help them. You knew already that Germans are greedy, but you did not expect them to sell you to Russians like a piece of cake. You already knew that Scandinavians are rather interested in their own matters than to solve your jam, but you did not expect them to kick your ass when being asked to help. At the end at least Scandinavians proved to have balls, but your (grand)father paid for their appeasement politics with his own blood. You will never forgot what does it mean to be betrayed by your owns. You feel a respect for those guerrilla members who opposed Russians on the Ice-line and in the forests, high probably your (grand)father was among them. That is, why your country decided to be strictly neutral in any future conflict.
- You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. Marrying below your own status is already unknown term. You can get married either by going to the temple or to the local administration official. You have a best man and a maid or matron of honour at the wedding - a friend or a sibling. And, naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time.
- If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual. Most people don't mind. He can get his partnership legalised because of last will, but cannot bring up kids.
- You use the informal tu only with persons you know well, which usually means that you can address them by their first name. You use first names only with friends and family. At work it depends on agreement, if he agrees you can freely use first name when talking to someone much older than you.
- If you're a woman, you dare to go to the beach topless. Only the temperature decides if you really do it.
- A hotel room has a private bath. Only weird hotels have a bathroom in the corridor.
It is always something
- Foreign films are subtitled, rarely dubbed. Dubbing is mandatory for children stuff.
- Bribery is seen as embarrassing; some-one thinks you are not able to do your job properly. In unofficial dealing, people are used to understand other’s help as an exhort to show their good part too.
- If a politician has been cheating on his wife, you find him unfaithful. You would question his ability to govern. Things like alcoholism, bribery and fraud are unacceptable in any form for a deputy.
- Just about any store will take your credit card in big cities. Elsewhere only a big store will.
- A company can fire just about anybody it wants at a three months notice. You can leave your company under same condition. If you commit a crime in your company, you are fired immediately. So called trade-certificate contract is legal, but seen as cheating.
- The biggest meal of the day is supper early evening. You eat it when all members of your family are back home and before they start their evening matters.
- Beer is fine, votka also, but both with degree. For refreshment you drink hot maslënika (seabuckthorn) juice. Wine is rare and expensive.
- Labour Day, or Tinu Orpo, is May 1st. Just normal working day.
Contributions to World Civilisation
- You are familiar with all kinds of foreign stuff on your TV, mostly from the Federated Kingdoms, the NAL-SLC, and the Scandinavian Realm. Sometimes something French, Italian or Russian is added to the mix. Obviously, most local productions are better, although no one outside recognise that fact.
- Your favourite movies are about people on the edge. Mika Kawromu and his Pitarkortii kawpolaa (Petersburg cowboys) is the best example.
- Serious music is appealing, but you recognise, that the last important composer of your nation was Anu Ţippelu (aka Johannes Sibelius) in 19th cc. But there is a fresh wind from youngster calling them self Apocalytica, who play heavy metal on their violins and cellos.
- You know the canon of popular music from the Federated Kingdoms and the NAL. You find surprising, that one of the Nassian folk-rock bands, Vertinö, is widely acknowledged abroad.
- You count on appropriate medical treatment. Doctors are competent, and helpful. You know you're not going to die of cholera or other Third World diseases. You think dying at 65 would be a tragedy, but modern life is quite demanding.
Would we be happy more southern?
- You rely on systematic measures of SI. Some old people do use also old measures, but you know only few of them.
- You went through the history of your country thoroughly. You also know the Scandinavian history and basics of European history. You are supposed to know very few about America, Asia or Africa. You know Russian history quite well to, because you do not want to be part of it again.
- You are not used to see soldier in politics. They are soldier, so. You know your officer’s or major’s name, but that is what you are supposed to being in reserves. You will also know the name of the Minister of Defence. You served with honour, who else will do that instead of you?
- Your country is not currently a target for expanders, but you know that Russia want to bite just anything.
- You are very sensitive for political games of powers. You do not want to play mouse for these cats.
- You're used to a wide variety of choices for almost anything you buy. You like to compare prices and products, and will rather buy a good product than a cheap one.
- You are not a farmer. There isn’t enough good soil to be. You prefer town, definitely if you are youngster.
- You drive on the right side of the road. You stop at red lights, even if there's nobody around. If you're a pedestrian and cars are stopped at a red light, you will fearlessly cross the street in front of them.
- The police are armed. They can only shoot at criminals after warning them repeatedly, and shooting into the air. You are given some kind of weapon as well according to your position in the army. You will use it only when called to military service.
- There're parts of the city you definitely want to avoid at night. You do not know what to do there; you prefer to stay at home in warm.
Helvetians probably don't care about us either
- You know you are of Slavic origin. But after those 2000 years living here, you know your genes are wild mixture between Finnic and Slavic legacy. Other Slavic nations are fine, but they mostly do not understand you and you do not understand them, unless you are from south. You find Russians unfaithful, Scandinavians abstract; Veneds are too proud, Balts too shy, Estonians and Finns are good.
- You think of Russia as a sleeping bear. No-one knows what is going in his head. Russians are horrible, but may be it is only due to the bad history they had.
- Americans are spoiled. Federated too. You do not have much of opinion on those others living too far.
We never get what we deserve!
- You fight for that your kind of people are listened enough in Sëttikortu.
- You wouldn't expect both inflation and unemployment to be very high (say, over 15%) at the same time.
- You care somehow about what family someone comes from.
- The normal thing, when a couple dies testamentless, is for their estate to be divided equally between their children.
- Church has that power which people would give it. You do not expect priests to be involved in politics.
- Taxis are generally operated by middle-aged men with good knowledge of the town.
- You think that the State is your community and it should take care about those who are not able to care about them-selves. On the other hand, spongers are not welcome.
- You think that cinema, concert, museum or gallery are good ways to spend rainy or snowy weekend day. Theatres are less popular, unless you are young. Opera, operetta and ballet are rather posh.
- Anavortu (Christmas) is in the winter. You spend it with your family. What you will do depends upon which habits you traditionally follow. The supper is general, else optional.
- You will know more or less the leaders of all the nations of Europe. Capitals too. Worldwide – much less.
- There are not many lawyers. You meet them seldom.
Space and time
- You consider the Volkswagen Beetle to be rather a small car.
- If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't improve her looks.
- If you have an appointment, you'll better excuse if you're five minutes late, and apologize believably if it's anything more than fifteen minutes. Longer delays are solved by them-selves, no one will wait for you.
- If you're talking to someone, you get uncomfortable if they approach closer than about feet, but this will drop if it's at work.
- You never need to bargain buying something; except for big business. Yes, you have heard people do that in some other cultures, but you did not get the idea why.
- Once you get older, you very rarely simply show up at someone's place. It is polite to give a call before you come. People have to invite each other over - especially if a meal is involved.