How to tell if you're Kemrese

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If you are Kemrese...

  • You are not a republican. Having a Royal House and a King is a Good Thing. Why, you're not exactly sure.
  • You are familiar with English and American programmes because they are easier to purchase than producing shows in Cambria. Nevertheless you recognise local celebrities when they appear on your screen, especially those who have passed the test of time. Local television has its own range of soap operas, and darkly fantastic classics played after 7:30pm, and Peleirin is back! (YES!)
  • You know at least the basics of rugby, and probably football too (it's never called "soccer"). If you're male, you probably know the rules of rugby in great detail and can name the players who should make up the national team; of course you know that it was Ciwdad Paes who beat the Blackshirts in 1905.
  • You count yourself fortunate if you get four weeks of vacation a year.

If you died tonight...

  • You have a vague belief in God, but expect to be looked at funny if you raise it in sensible circles. Appart from Mormons and manic street evangelists no one has ever asked you if you believe in God. Creationism is not an issue.
  • You think of fast food franchises and takeaways as cheap food.
  • You probably own a telephone and a TV. Your place is heated in the winter and has its own bathroom. You do your laundry in a machine. You don't kill your own food. You don't have a dirt floor. You eat at a table, sitting on chairs.
  • You don't consider insects, dogs, cats, monkeys, or guinea pigs to be food.
  • You refer to the smallest room as "lla duileth", or "lla ghesin", especially if it is out the back door. A bathroom may contain a toilet along with a sink, a bath or a shower unit. If you need to go, ask for the toilet.
  • You expect, as a matter of course, that the phones will work. Getting a new phone is routine. You will consider getting a bycopel (a network terminal) once the network extends beyond the Tyrdyr.
  • The train system isn't very good. Trains don't go any faster than cars; you're better off taking an airship.
  • It seems natural that the telephone system, railroads and power companies are publicly owned. Airlines and car manufacturers can be privately owned so long as the owners live on this side of the Ffens. If you are old enough you can remember when you got proper service for your shilling.
  • You find a multi-party system natural, and can hardly imagine another fair way to run a country. You have three major parties and a number of smaller ones and you're used to two parties forming the national government. You find parliamentary systems with an entire left to right scale of parties normal.
  • Socialism is a serious opinion, even if it it tends towards social-democracy. Communists still exist, sometimes you think they're slightly out of touch with reality.
  • Most people are white, although they can also be yellow, brown or black. It doesn't really matter most of the time anyway, since you're familiar with people of Asian extraction from your local newsagent or corner shop.
  • You think most problems could be solved if only people would put aside their prejudices and work together.
  • You take a strong court system for granted, even if you don't use it. You know that if you went into business and had problems with a customer, partner, or supplier, you could take them to court.
  • You'd respect someone who speaks Spanish, German or Japanese, but you very likely don't yourself speak them well enough to communicate with a monolingual foreigner. You usually speak Comroig, although you can speak English, at least somewhat. You learnt a bit at school and are exposed to it daily in popular culture.
  • You probably think that a tax level of 50% is high, if you are in that tax bracket.
  • School is free through high school (at least, it's an option, even if you went to private school). College is heavily subsidised.
  • College is (normally, and excluding graduate study) four years long. If you want to be a doctor, you need to get a master's first.

Everyone Knows that

  • Mustard comes in jars. Shaving cream comes in cans. Milk comes in bottles or in cardboard boxes. You can get milk delivered to you.
  • Dates are in the DD/MM/YY format.
  • The decimal point is a dot, certainly not a comma.
  • Great War II was a just war, and (granted all the suffering of course) ended all right. It would have been shorter if the Federated Kingdoms hadn't dithered over making peace with the German Empire. It was a time when the country came together and did what was right. You still have your (grand)father's French medals, and you had an aunty who was bombed out in Aberllewg.
  • You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. Many marriages happen in church, some in registry offices. You have a best man and a maid or matron of honor at the wedding -- a friend or a sibling. And, naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time. If you're male, you may have worn a towein at your wedding.
  • You use the informal ty only with persons you know well, which usually means that you can address them by their first name, or with fellow students.
  • If you're a woman, you might go to the beach topless.
  • An upmarket hotel room has a private bath, a cheap one has a bathroom in the corridor.
  • If a man has sex with another man, he is an homosexual.
  • You'd rather a film be subtitled than dubbed (if you go to foreign films at all).
  • You seriously expect to be able to transact business, or deal with the government, without paying bribes.
  • If a politician has been cheating on his wife, you consider this bad form, but no reason for him to resign. It may influence your vote next time around.
  • Just about any store will take your credit card.
  • A company can fire just about anybody it wants.
  • You've never come across crispy bacon.
  • Labour Day is Calen Mai. It's a holiday.

Contributions to World Civilization

  • You have probably seen War in the Heavens,Sn√¶hvite and Gigantic!. You have a slightly chauvainistic pride in seeing Cambria in such films as Amalia di Castreleon. You probably disapprove of Atlanta distortions of history a la Rescue of Soldier Ryan.
  • You know the canon of popular music of the Federal Kingdom and the NAL, particularly Fuzió, jass (or as they call it over here, Ceass) and Qvelbe. Bands you recognise include ABBA, No More EagleZ, Prwyster Gweresydaed an Caemyn, and Taely. You're honestly not one hundred percent sure what all the fuss over Zone Rock is about.
  • You can count on excellent medical treatment-- in an emergency. If you've just got something minor but painful, you expect a long, long wait, unless you go private. You know you're not going to die of cholera or other Third World diseases. You think dying at 65 would be a tragedy.
  • You measure things in feet, pounds, and gallons.
  • You went over Kemrese History, the history of the Federated Kingdoms, and some European history, especially the bits about Brecryg and Hessler; not much American or Asian stuff.
  • You expect the military to fight wars, not get involved in politics. You may not be able to name any of the heads of the armed services.
  • Your country was invaded by foreign conquerors (the ffudad Saeson), but defended itself and is a free nation.
  • You're used to a wide variety of choices for almost anything you buy.
  • You are not a farmer.
  • Comics come in two forms: newspaper comics and hardbound books. Comics in magazine format are usually from the NAL and not in Comroig so they are bought only by collectors.
  • The people who appear on the most popular talk shows are mostly entertainers, authors, or rather strange individuals. Certainly not, say, politicians.
  • You drive on the left side of the road. You stop at red lights even if nobody's around. If you're a pedestrian and cars are stopped at a red light, you will fearlessly cross the street in front of them.
  • You know that they speak Comroig in the NAL (where they call it by its other name, Brithenig), New Cambria and Guiana. Much of your entertainment comes from the NAL. They have bands like you do. If anything their politics is slightly crazier than yours.
  • You think you are a 'Roman' nation - both Celtic and Latin. You are part of the Federated Kingdoms which is the centre of the world. Everyone knows to look to the Federated Kingdoms because the FK is a fusion culture. The English speakers come over the Ffens with their language and customs that threaten to swamp Kemr -- that's why they are the ffudad Saeson. The Irish have this great technological rennaisance going on and you want to be part of that; you don't understand why the Irish are so sensitive about their independence from Kemr. Kemr, Ireland, Scotland, Armorica, and Brittany all share in the same Celtic heritage, and 'the Red Dragon leads the way' in that cultural expression.
  • You consider the Volkswagen Beetle to be a small car.
  • The police are not armed. If you are a rural, you probably have a hunting rifle. If you live in town, you probably never thought about buying a weapon. You think that firearms should be strictly controlled by the state.
  • If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't improve her looks.
  • The biggest meal of the day is in the evening.
  • The nationality people most often make jokes about is the Saeson. You probably don't make jokes about the Irish - only the Saeson do that.
  • There's parts of the city you definitely want to avoid at night.

North of llo Rhoen Terbrogaen

  • You feel that your kind of people aren't being listened to enough in Castreleon.
  • You wouldn't expect both inflation and unemployment to be very high (say, over 15%) at the same time.
  • You care VERY much about what family someone comes from. The further south they come from the more important the difference, including south of the Sefren (and vice versa).
  • The normal thing, when a couple dies, is for their estate to be divided equally between their children.
  • The church used to be powerful, most of the Lords Spiritual disestablished their seats in the House of Lords in 1920 which effectively halved the size of that chamber. The Abbot-Patriarch sure looks sparkly in full regalia on state occasions - sort of makes God an optional extra.
  • Taxis are generally operated by SNORists who entertain you with their quirky views on immigration and penal policy. They do know the city, though.
  • You think that the Welfare State is a necessary part of a civilized society.
  • You'd be hard pressed to name the leaders of all the nations of Europe. The capitals you could probably find on a map.
  • You think of opera and ballet as rather elite entertainments. It's likely you don't see that many plays, either, unless you're in Castreleon and there's something on you want to see.
  • Christmas is in the winter. Unless you're Muslim or Jewish, you spend it with your family, and put up a tree. Presents are given at December 25th.
  • There sure are a lot of lawyers (to say nothing of accountants!) Barristers still wear gowns and wigs.
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