How to tell if you're Dumnonian

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If you are Dumnonian...

  • You have certain knowledge that you're nòt a Comrow. Being Kemreg, however, is a Good Thing.
  • You are not a republican. Having a Royal House and a King is all well and good for parades, but the High King you were priviledged to vote for will guide local politics for many years. Aren't you glad you made a good decision?
  • You are familiar with English and American programmes because that's what the BBC are putting on anymore, rather than producing shows in Cambria. You think this is a shame, because Dunein is almost never represented on tele anymore. Nevertheless you recognise local celebrities when they appear on the tele in the pub, especially those who have passed the test of time. Kemrese television has its own range of soap operas, and darkly fantastic classics played after 7:30pm, and Peleirin is back! (YES!)
  • You know at least the basics of rugby, and probably football too (it's never called "soccer"). If you're male, you probably know the rules of rugby in great detail and can name the players who should make up the national team. You enjoy horse racing almost as much rugby. You are proud of the fact that the hippodrome in Esca has been in continuous use for nearly 20 centuries. You do think the pagan pageantry is a bit unusual.
  • You count yourself fortunate if you get four weeks of vacation a year.

If you died tonight...

  • You have what some would consider a "greater than average" belief in God. Apart from Mormons and manic street evangelists no one has ever asked you if you believe in God. Creationism is not an issue.
  • You think of fast food franchises and takeaways as cheap food.
  • Unless you're out in the country, you probably own a telephone but not a tv. The pub certainly has one, so what say we stop by for a pint? Your place is heated in the winter (usually gas or electric, though you might use coal or wood out in the countryside) and if you're in town, has its own bathroom. You do your laundry in a machine. You don't generally kill your own food. If you're in town, you don't have a dirt floor. You eat at a table, sitting on chairs. The table is scrubbed so clean germs would fear to tread there.
  • Everything is kept gleaming clean and tidy. You might be the poorest province in Kemr, but by God, you shall be the cleanest and best kept!
  • You don't consider insects, dogs, cats, monkeys, or guinea pigs to be food. You do consider a whole range of sea creatures to be food, though they generally have to be cooked first.
  • Your favourite as a kid was toasted cheese, and no one could make it like Mam. You like vegemite, but don't trust goober jam. Too American.
  • You refer to the smallest room as "la tuileth", or "y waters". If it's outside the back door, you call it "la casina". A bathroom may contain a toilet along with a sink, a bath or a shower unit. If you need to go, ask for the toilet. The last of the infamous "communal toilets" were replaced in the 1980s. You have to pay a halfpenny to use a public toilet. Swank places have a man (or woman) in there to offer you wash cloths and a warmed towel. Some public toilets (especially those in small eateries or pubs) are unisex. Toilets come in three varieties: the urinal, the raised commode (throne crapper) and in-floor commode (squat crapper). Some older houses have in floor models, newer houses usually have raised models. Public facilities often have both; unisex facilities almost always have in-floor models. Use of toilet paper is universal. Please wash your hands after doing your business!
  • Even if you don't have anyone to call, you expect, as a matter of course, that the phones will work. If it's not allready connected, your local library or council is working on obtaining public access bycopels (network terminals).
  • The train system is pretty good. Local trains don't go any faster than cars, but then, who wants to bump along a dirt road in a car?. The trains are all electric and new. You are very proud that it was a fellow Kernowman who invented the steam locomotive and the concept of the railroad.
  • It seems natural that the telephone system, railroads, and power companies are publicly owned. Airlines and car manufacturers can be privately owned, so long as the owners live on this side of the Ffens. Can't be having with that foreign muck. If you are old enough you can remember when you got proper service for your shilling.
  • You find a multi-party system natural, and can hardly imagine another fair way to run a country. You have three major parties and a number of smaller ones and you're used to two parties forming the national government. You find parliamentary systems with an entire left to right scale of parties normal. None of the buggers pay any attention to the provinces, though, so you tend not to pay much attention to national politics.
  • There has always been an "Independence" movement in the province, but it never gets very far.
  • Yours is the only Kemrese province that has got its own Senate and that Senate can veto the ridiculous legislation created by the Knownothings up in Castreleon.
  • Socialism is a serious opinion, even if it it tends towards social-democracy. Communists still exist, sometimes you think they're slightly out of touch with reality.
  • Most people are white, although they can also be yellow, brown or black, especially closer in. It doesn't really matter most of the time anyway, since you're familiar with people of Asian extraction from your local newsagent or corner shop.
  • You think most problems could be solved if only people would put aside their prejudices and work together.
  • You take a strong court system for granted, even if you don't use it. You know that if you went into business and had problems with a customer, partner, or supplier, you could take them to court. If you don't want to bother with courts and solicitors, you can have your case arbitrated by a druid.
  • You'd respect someone who speaks Castilian, German or Japanese, but you very likely don't yourself speak them well enough to communicate with a monolingual foreigner. You usually speak a form of Paesan, but are also familiar with the Kerno spoken in the western part of the province. You also speak some Francien and English. You learnt a bit at school and are exposed to it daily in popular culture.
  • You think that a tax level of 50% is high, if you are in that tax bracket. You are concerned that too much regional tax money goes to Castreleon.
  • School is free through high school (at least, it's an option, even if you went to private school). College is heavily subsidised. Until recently, school was hardly worth going to, on account of it being conducted in a foreign language. You consider youself lucky if you've managed to be educated. Recent reforms are seen as a Good Thing.
  • College is (normally, and excluding graduate study) four years long. If you want to be a doctor, you need to get a master's first.

Everyone Knows that

  • Mustard comes in jars. Shaving cream comes in cans. Milk comes in cows but is then put in bottles or in cardboard boxes which are brought around by a man.
  • For that matter, almost anything can be brought around by a man. The small shops in town sell just about ánything you could imagine, from appliances and housewares to sweets and staples to cloth, books and a freshly made deli luncheon.
  • Dates are in the DD/MM/YY format.
  • The decimal point is a dot, certainly not a comma.
  • Great War II was a just war, and (granted all the suffering of course) ended all right. It would have been shorter if the Federated Kingdoms hadn't dithered over making peace with the German Empire. It was a time when the country came together and did what was right. You still have your (grand)father's French medals, and you had an aunty who was bombed out in Aberllewg. You remember hearing stories about the brave men of the Coast Watch, who were on constant lookout for the Gerry Navy.
  • You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by a third party. Most marriages happen in church, some in temples or synagogues. A few even happen in registry offices. You have a best man and a maid or matron of honor at the wedding -- a friend or a sibling. And, naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time. If you're male, you may have worn a proper toga at your wedding.
  • If you're a woman, you sunbathe at the park, take in the waters of Acouesol or go to the beach topless.
  • A posh hotel room has a private bath, a cheap one has a bathroom in the corridor. Small inns and B&Bs are the norm and usually have renovated facilities.
  • If a man has sex with another man, he is a homosexual.
  • You'd rather a film be subtitled than dubbed (if you go to foreign films at all). And then you'ld complain about all the foreign muck they show.
  • You seriously expect to be able to transact business, or deal with the government, without paying bribes.
  • If a politician has been cheating on his wife, you consider this bad form, but no reason for him to resign. It would influence your vote next time around.
  • Only the larger shops in town will take your credit card. Even then, few people have or trust them.
  • A company can fire just about anybody it wants.
  • You've never come across crispy bacon.
  • Labour Day is Calen Mai. It's a holiday.

Contributions to World Civilization

  • You have probably seen War in the Heavens,Snæhvite and Gigantic!. You have a slightly chauvainistic pride in seeing Cambria in such films as Amalia di Castreleon. You probably disapprove of Atlanta distortions of history a la Rescue of Soldier Ryan. More foreign muck. Even so, you'll be back to see the sequel!
  • You know the canon of popular music of the Federated Kingdom and the NAL, particularly Fuzió and Qvelbe. Bands you recognise include ABBA, No More EagleZ, Prwyster Gweresydaed an Caemyn, and Taely. You also follow a number of local musical groups.
  • You can count on excellent medical treatment-- in an emergency. If you've just got something minor, you expect a wait, unless you go private. You're thankful there aren't so many people in the province to make the queues long. You know you're not going to die of cholera or other Third World diseases. You think dying at 65 would be a tragedy.
  • You went over Kemrese History, the history of the Federated Kingdoms, and some European history, especially the bits about Brecryg and Hessler; not much American or Asian stuff.
  • You expect the military to fight wars, not get involved in politics. You may not be able to name any of the heads of the armed services.
  • Your country was invaded by foreign conquerors (the ffudad Saeson), but defended itself and is a free nation.
  • You're used to a wide variety of choices for almost anything you buy.
  • You are probably not a farmer, but there are a lot of them around.
  • Comics come in two forms: newspaper comics and hardbound books. Comics in magazine format are usually from the NAL and not in Comroig so they are bought only by collectors.
  • The people who appear on the most popular talk shows are mostly entertainers, authors, or rather strange individuals. Certainly not, say, politicians.
  • You drive on the left side of the road, along with the most sensible nations on earth. You stop at red lights even if nobody's around. If you're a pedestrian and cars are stopped at a red light, you will fearlessly cross the street in front of them.
  • You know that there are speakers of Kerno in France, the NAL, New Cambria and Guiana. Much of your entertainment comes from the NAL and is in Comroig. They have bands like you do. If anything their politics is slightly crazier than yours, and you are aware that your own system is a little strange.
  • You think you are a 'Roman' nation - both Celtic and Latin. You are part of the Federated Kingdoms which is naturally the centre of the world. Everyone knows to look to the Federated Kingdoms because the FK is a fusion culture and Top Nation. The English speakers come over the Ffens with their language and customs that threaten to swamp Kemr -- that's why they are the ffudad Saeson. Some part of you wishes they could be pushed back into the sea they came from. The Irish have this great technological rennaisance going on and you are thankful your province is firmly at the forefront of that rennaisance. You hope that this will bring economic relief to a place that's been poor for a long time. You don't understand why the Irish are so sensitive about their independence from Kemr, but they're foreigners are liable to think anything. Kemr, Ireland, Scotland, Amorica, and Cornouaille all share in the same Celtic heritage, and 'the Red Dragon leads the way' in that cultural expression.
  • You consider the Volkswagen Beetle to be a small car; but a horse and cart would be more practical for many applications.
  • The police are not armed. If you are a rural, you almost certainly have a hunting rifle. If you live in town, you probably never thought about buying firearms. You tend to think that firearms should be controlled by the state, but are worried that they will overcontrol.
  • If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't improve her looks.
  • The biggest meal of the day is in the evening.
  • The nationality people most often make jokes about is the Saeson, and that's as it should be. You probably don't make jokes about the Irish - only the Saeson do that. You don't mind making jokes about the Comrow either.
  • There really aren't any parts of the city you definitely want to avoid at night.
  • If you're a man, you wear a sort of kilt with breeks and an emroidered shirt for everyday wear, with soft leather shoes. When you want to get fancy, you might add a long jacket with fancy buttons, and you'd braid your hair. Women wear long skirts and embroidered shirts. Old women wear black and usually wear a hat of some kind. Younger girls wear all sorts of colours and patterns. Poor people usually make do with no more than a kilt and a shirt or else a dress. All varieties of clothing are kept immaculately clean and, for the most part, tidy. Dungarees are a new fad among the younger set. If you're middle aged, you think they don't go very well with a kilt on.
  • There is no particular social stigma regarding tattooings or piercings, though most people will be somewhat put off by excessive hardware or bizarre tattooes.
  • You feel that your kind of people aren't being listened to enough in Castreleon.
  • You are familiar with high unemployment and low literacy rates.
  • You care VERY much about what family someone comes from. The further north they come from the more important the difference, including north of the Sefren (and vice versa).
  • The normal thing, when a couple dies, is for their estate to be divided equally between their children.
  • The church used to be powerful, but is still very influential. Most of the Lords Spiritual disestablished their seats in the House of Lords in 1920 which effectively halved the size of that chamber. The Abbot-Patriarch is pretty well known and very highly respected. He lives in your province, and indeed, the whole center of the Catholic Church is but a stones throw away in the lovely town of Glastein.
  • Taxis are generally operated by Indians or Chinese immigrants who entertain you with their quirky views on immigration and penal policy. They do know the city, though. It's more fun to travel by rickishavi -- a kind of light sedan driven by a bicycle. It is certainly safer to take the trolley!
  • You think that the Welfare State is a necessary part of a civilized society, though are acutely aware that the rest of civilised society equates "welfare state" with your province.
  • You'd be hard pressed to name the leaders of all the nations of Europe. There's too many and they're always changing the names of their countries anyway. The capitals you could probably find on a map.
  • You think of opera and ballet as rather elite entertainments. It's likely you'd see a play in the park or at some holiday festival. If you're in town, you might pay to go see a theatre, if there's something on you want to see.
  • Christmas is in the winter. Unless you're Muslim or Jewish, you spend it with your family, and put up a tree. It lasts for twelve days of glorious feasting and visiting with friends and relations. Presents are given at December 25th, when you get home from church.
  • There sure are a lot of lawyers (to say nothing of accountants!) Barristers still wear gowns and wigs.
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