How to tell if you're Dalmatian
If you are Dalmatian...
- You are a republican. Having a Royal House and a King is archaic and backwards, except if you're one of those 'restore the monarchy' nutters.
- You are familiar with English and American programmes because they occasionally show up in cinemas or on TV, but there are more than enough locally-produced shows. You recognise local celebrities when they appear on your screen, especially those who have passed the test of time. Local television has its own range of soap operas, war shows and comedies.
- You know at least the basics of football too (it's never called "soccer"), and probably basketball, too. Ice-hockey is an oddity, though you know that it's played *somewhere* in the country. If you're male, you probably know the rules of football in great detail and can name the players who should make up the national team.
- You count yourself fortunate if you get four weeks of vacation a year.
If you died tonight...
- You have a vague belief in God, but expect to be looked at funny if you raise it in sensible circles. Apart from manic street evangelists or rural priests no one has ever asked you if you believe in God. Creationism is not an issue.
- You think of roadside stalls and street carts as cheap food.
- You probably own a telephone and a TV. Your place is heated in the winter and has its own bathroom. You do your laundry in a machine. You don't kill your own food. You don't have a dirt floor. You eat at a table, sitting on chairs.
- You don't consider insects, dogs, cats, monkeys, or guinea pigs to be food.
- You refer to the smallest room as "veceul", or "szloza", especially if it is out the back door. A bathroom may contain a toilet along with a sink, a bath or a shower unit. If you need to go, ask for the toilet.
- You expect, as a matter of course, that the phones will work. Getting a new phone is routine. You will consider getting a a network terminal once the network extends beyond Raguza's city limits.
- The train system is excellent. Trains go faster than cars, and are much safer; if you're really in a hurry, the air-taxi system is for you.
- It seems natural that the telephone system, railroads, airlines and power companies are publicly owned, though you're becoming comfortable with the idea of partial private ownership. Everything else, private ownership is natural. If you are old enough you can remember when you got proper service for your penex.
- You find a multi-party system a novelty, but are getting comfortable with it - even if it's only the Radicals and the SoCreds that are 'serious' parties; the rest are, in your opinion, just there for a free ride (or free beer, if it's the Beer Drinkers' Party in question).
- Socialism is a serious opinion, even if it it tends towards social-democracy. Communists still exists, but they're all Danubstalgic fools wanting to live in the past.
- Most people are white, though blacks are fairly common. A yellow or brown-skinned person is a novelty.
- You think most problems could be solved if only people would put aside their prejudices and work together.
- You take a strong court system for granted, even if you don't use it. You know that if you went into business and had problems with a customer, partner, or supplier, you could take them to court.
- You'd respect someone who speaks Brithenig, German or Japanese, but you very likely don't yourself speak them well enough to communicate with a monolingual foreigner. You usually speak Dalmatian, although you can speak Serbian if you grew up before the Homeland War, having learned it in school and used it during your National Service in the People's Army.
- You probably think that a tax level of 50% is high, if you are in that tax bracket.
- School is free.
- College is (normally, and excluding graduate study) four years long. If you want to be a doctor, you need to get a master's first.
Everyone Knows that
- Mustard comes in jars or tubes. Shaving soap comes in bars you moisten and brush onto your face. Milk comes in bottles or from a cow. You can get milk delivered to you.
- Dates are in the DD/MM/YY format.
- The decimal point is a comma.
- Great War II was just another war - more important at that time was the Danubian civil war.
- You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. Many marriages happen in church, some in registry offices. You have a best man and a maid or matron of honor at the wedding -- a friend or a sibling. And, naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time, though lovers on the side are common enough - amongst men and women (so long as it's kept purely secondary and occasional).
- If you're a woman, you might go to the beach topless.
- An upmarket hotel room has a private bath, a cheap one has a bathroom in the corridor.
- If a man has sex with another man, it's their business. If a woman has sex with another woman, you want to watch.
- You'd rather a film be subtitled than dubbed (if you go to foreign films at all).
- You seriously expect to be able to transact business, or deal with the government, without paying bribes.
- If a politician has been cheating on his wife, you think him stupid for getting caught, but it probably won't affect what you'd think of his performance on the job.
- Credit cards are accepted in big cities, but anywhere else, it's cash only.
- A company can fire just about anybody it wants.
- Labour Day is May 1st. It's a holiday.
Contributions to World Civilization
- You know that Nikola Tesla illuminated the world.
- You know the canon of popular music of the former CSDS, and are sort-of familiar with foreign music, too, though you'd likely only recognize ABBA and NoMoreEagleZ.
- You can count on excellent medical treatment-- in an emergency. If you've just got something minor but painful, you expect a long, long wait, unless you go private. You know you're not going to die of cholera or other Third World diseases. You think dying at 65 would be a tragedy.
- You measure things in feet, pounds, and gallons.
- You went over Balkan history and European history, and some about American and African history (at least as far as the Dalmatophone states are concerned). Not much about Asia, though.
- The military is everywhere, and is respected and honoured.
- Your country was invaded by foreign conquerors numerous times, sometimes conquered, but always re-arisen.
- You're used to a small variety of choices for almost anything you buy.
- You might be a farmer.
- Comics come in two forms: newspaper comics and hardbound books. Comics in magazine format are usually from the NAL and not in Dalmatian so they are bought only by collectors.
- The people who appear on the most popular talk shows are mostly entertainers, authors, or rather strange individuals. Politicians appear on political talk shows.
- You drive on the left side of the road. If nobody's around, you don't bother stopping at a red light. If you're a pedestrian and cars are stopped at a red light, you will cross the street in front of them, but keep an eye on them.
- You think you are a 'Roman' nation. You think that you're the true continuation of the Roman Empire, and while friendly towards the FK, you think (not that you'd say it to them) that they've been rather contaminated by non-Roman influences. Slavic and other elements in the Dalmatian language and culture are actually Dalmatian elements in Slavic and other languages and cultures.
- You consider the Volkswagen Beetle to be an average car.
- The police are armed. You think having your military-issue rifle in your closet at home perfectly normal, and are surprised to hear it's not the same in other civilized countries. You find it shocking that anyone in a civilized country would advocate restrictions on firearms.
- If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't improve her looks.
- The biggest meal of the day is in the evening.
- All nationalities of the former CSDS are fair game for jokes.
- There's parts of the city you definitely want to avoid at night.
In the Bosna Valley
- You feel that your kind of people aren't being listened to enough in Raguza.
- You wouldn't expect both inflation and unemployment to be very high (say, over 15%) at the same time.
- You care VERY much about what family someone comes from. Their religious background matters, but whether they practice or not is irrelevant
- The normal thing, when a couple dies, is for their estate to be divided equally between their children.
- The church used to be powerful..
- Taxis are generally operated by Radicals or Danubstalgics who entertain you with their quirky views on immigration and penal policy. They do know the city, though.
- You think that the military is a necessary part of a civilized society.
- You'd be hard pressed to name the leaders of all the nations of Europe. The capitals you could probably find on a map.
- You think of opera and ballet as rather elite entertainments. It's likely you don't see that many plays, either, unless you're in Raguza or Agram and there's something on you want to see.
- Christmas is in the winter. Unless you're Muslim or Jewish, you spend it with your family, and put up a tree. Presents are given at December 24th, after Christmas dinner. If you're Orthodox, this all happens on January 6th.
- There sure are a lot of lawyers (to say nothing of accountants!). Barristers still wear gowns and wigs.