How to tell if you're Armorican
If you're Armorican...
- You know deep down that your right to freedom is guaranteed by the Gods themselves. Even if you're a Christian.
- You're familiar with Cambrian and French famous people as well as home-grown celebrities and programmes, such as Yowan ap Nevrant, Taely, Lech Pwfyn, An Byd Arvorec and Tẁdeth an Nant.
- You know how rugby and football are played. If you are male you can offer conclusive opinions on the abilities and makeup of the national squads, and even the tearnasol squads who play in the Muratti. Cricket? What's that?
- You pity those nations who only get three or four weeks of holiday a year. You expect to have all the major Cravethist and Christian festivals off, which generally amounts to about five weeks of vacation per year.
If you died tonight...
- You probably believe in some sort of divinity. It's most likely that you're a Cravethist, with a Celtic Rite Catholic being the next most likely religious affiliation. Unless, of course, you live in the Ynysseth Havaen, in which case you're most likely a Protestant Christian.
- You think that fast-food outlets (festralas) are a cheap and possibly health-threatening alternative to proper food.
- You probably own a telephone and a bycopel, and in most areas it's likely you own a television. Your home is heated in the winter and has its own bathroom. You either do your laundry by hand at home or you take it to the local golchde (laundrette) and have the golchyeres do it for you. If you live in an urban area, you don't kill your own food. You don't have a dirt floor. You eat at a table, sitting on chairs.
- You don't consider insects, dogs, cats, monkeys, or guinea pigs to be food. Rabbits and goats, however...
- Toilets (an dwyledhow) are not found in bathrooms but seperate small rooms. After all, what if you need to go while someone's in the bath?
- It seems natural to you that the telephone system, television company, power company, manufacturing companies and airlines are collectively run by their employees. You know it works differently in other, less enlightened, countries, but you can confidently declare that your system is more efficient.
- Getting a new phone or bycopel installed is routine. You expect that they will work as a matter of course.
- There isn't a train system. But the ferries and public transport systems are cheap and excellent- they have to be as private automobiles are restricted to royalty and visiting foreign dignitaries.
- You find your impossibly complex and multi-layered political system without any parties as such to be wholly natural and you can't imagine any other sane way to run a country.
- Most people are white, unless they're from the Ynys Elaeneth in which case they're an attractive brownish colour. Most famous Armorican models are from Elaeneth. You're aware that people of other skin colours exist because you've seen them on television and from your point of view if someone integrates well into local culture it doesn't matter what colour their skin is.
- From your point of view, "racism" refers to anti-French or anti-Portuguese prejudice.
- You think most problems would be solved if everyone just did what they're told.
- You take a strong court system for granted, even if you're more likely to take your disputes to a druid for arbitration.
A lavra dy'n dhrug an brythonec
- You normally speak Arvorec but learnt Francien and Brithenig at school. You can probably also speak enough Brehonecq or Kerno to be understood. You'd respect someone who can speak English or Irish, but most likely don't yourself.
- School is free from kindergarten through university, although medical students are given subsidies and stipends as they have to study abroad (generally in Dumnonia)
- You don't think a tax level of 60% is at all high, unless you actually fall in that bracket yourself.
- You are a Celt, inheritor of an ancient and rich culture. You grudgingly admit that the British are Celts too, but resent Cambria's insistence that the "Red Dragon leads the way".
- You are proud of your native poetic and musical tradition, and that Arvorec traditional music hasn't been commercialised like Irish music has.
- For you, the two cultural highlights of the year are the Gwerseth, which is a gathering of Bards from throughout the Isles and the Armorican diaspora and the annual Inter-Celtic Music Festival hosted in Landrewan.
Everyone knows that...
- Butter is salted; but black butter is made out of apples.
- Milk comes in bottles and is delivered to your door.
- Mustard comes in jars and is nearly always grain mustard.
- There is no weekend as such. You get Wednesday (the Cravethist holy day) and Sunday (the Christian holy day) off in a week.
- The decimal point is a comma.
- The date comes first, month second: 15/04/1943 (and you know what happened on that date)
- GW2 was a just war, and (granted all the suffering of course) ended all right. You are proud of the fact that the navy of your little country proved decisive in protecting your cousins across the British Sea from German invasion.
- Your country has a long history and has been invaded several times. Most recently by the French, but most embarrassingly by Owain ffeil Tomos.
- You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. You marry at a nevyd or a church, or occasionally at the bro's assembly-hall.
- If a man sleeps with another man, he's probably a homosexual. But he might not be- he might be bisexual or just experimenting. If a man marries another man, however, he's almost definitely a homosexual.
- In days gone by, you'd only use the informal pronoun ty with close friends or family, reserving chwy for everyone else. But these days most people are more relaxed about such things and chwy is reserved for druids, the Senate chamber, old people, policemen and doctors.
- If you're a married man, you don't get involved in the household finances. You give your wife your salary and let her deal with it- she'll give you an allowance back if you're lucky.
- If you're a woman, you've gone to the beach topless. You've probably done heavy work in the courtyard topless as well. Nobody goes to the beach completely naked, however, except very small children.
- A hotel room has a private bath, but in tavarneth which offer rooms to let the best you can hope for is a private shower or a shared bathroom.
- You'd prefer a foreign film to be subtitled rather than dubbed. Dubbing is for children and illiterate barbarians (the French).
- You seriously expect to be able to transact business, or deal with the government, without paying bribes.
- If a politician has been cheating on his wife, you'd be horrified. He'd lose all credibility and be expected to resign.
- A company can't just fire who it wants. There are laws against that sort of thing, you know!
- You like your bacon crisp, but your mutton tender.
- Labour Day is technically on the first of May, but so is Belthwyn and Labour Day barely gets a look in.
Contributions to World Civilisation
- You've probably seen War in the Heavens, Casablanca and Amalia di Castreleon, but you take greater pride in the small independent home-grown films such as Chwerw Melys
- You an count on excellent and free medical treatment. You know you won't die of cholera or other third world diseases. You think dying at 65 would be a tragedy.
- You went over Armorican and European history at school, but not much about Asia or the Americas.
- You expect the navy (the only military in Armorica) to fight wars, not get involved in politics. You used to have conscription, but now it's an all-volunteer force. You have never heard of the names of the heads of the services.
- You're used to a wide variety of choices for almost anything you buy. Particularly food and drink.
- There's a 50-50 chance that you're a farmer or a fisherman.
- The police are armed, but not with submachine guns. You think that firearms should be strictly controlled by the state.
- The nationality people most often make jokes about are the Dumnonians.
- If a woman is plumper than the average, it can improve her looks. It depends on the woman.
- The biggest meal of the day is in the evening.
Away from the Castle in the Bay
- You don't think your kind of people are listened to enough in the Senate. You're satisfied with your representation in the local assemblies, though, and you may even attend on a regular basis.
- You care considerably what family someone comes from. Especially if they want to marry your daughter.
- The normal thing, when a couple dies, is for their movables to be divided equally between their children and the land to be passed to the eldest child. If the eldest child doesn't want it, it gets passed along until at least one child wants it. Real estate is never divided or sold off.
- Christmas is in the winter. It's a minor festival celebrated only by Christians. The main festival is the three days of Samonios- that's when you really let your hair down.
- You've left a message at the beep.
- Unemployment benefits are yours by right, you've paid for them after all. And of course those who can't support themselves should get welfare.
- The Cravethist church is still relatively powerful, and the Christian church is not without influence.
- You think of musical theatre as a populist entertainment and regularly go to see plays and musicals. Opera and ballet, on the other hand, are seen as being rather elitist and weirdly foreign.
Space and Time
- You value punctuality and refer to those who are late as being on "Kerno time".
- If you're talking to someone, you get uncomfortable if they move further away than three feet.
- Showing up unannounced at someone's house is acceptable if you bring food or alcohol (and in former times, fuel for the fire), and people are regularly popping in and out of their neighbours' houses for a chat. But you generally ring first, particularly at dinner time.
- Men and women will often spend the evening in the tavarn. Drunkenness outside of holiday time is frowned upon, however.
- When you negotiate, you don't play hardball. You're polite and make allusions to what you want. Approaching something directly is seen as inelegant and rather rude.